As parents, we naturally want the best for our children, including their health and nutrition. But how we talk about their eating habits can have a significant impact on their relationship with food. Often, we might use words like “picky” to describe a child’s eating preferences, but these seemingly harmless labels can shape a child’s self-perception and relationship with food in surprising ways.

Why Words Matter: The Power of Language in Shaping Behavior

Children are incredibly perceptive and impressionable, especially when it comes to how adults, particularly their parents, describe them. When we say things like, “She’s so picky,” or “He never eats his vegetables,” children start to internalize these labels. They begin to see themselves through the lens of these descriptions, and it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If a child hears repeatedly that they are “picky,” they may begin to believe it, even if it isn’t entirely accurate.

Words like “picky” or “fussy” carry negative connotations and may create a sense of shame or frustration around eating. This can discourage a child from trying new foods or enjoying mealtime. Instead, reframing the conversation to more positive terms, like “selective,” can help remove the stigma and encourage openness to new experiences.

Why It’s Important Not to Call Your Child “Picky”

• Encourages a Growth Mindset: Referring to your child as “selective” rather than “picky” fosters a growth mindset. This approach communicates that food preferences can change over time and that it’s okay not to like everything immediately. It sends a message that trying new foods is a journey and not a fixed trait.

• Reduces Anxiety Around Mealtimes: Labels like “picky” can create pressure and anxiety for both the child and the parents during meals. Children may feel they have to live up to that label, while parents may feel stressed or frustrated. Reframing the conversation to focus on exploration and experimentation with different foods can create a more relaxed and positive mealtime atmosphere.

• Supports Positive Self-Image: When a child hears positive language around their eating habits, they are more likely to develop a healthy self-image. If we say, “She’s adventurous with her food choices,” or “He’s exploring new tastes,” we empower them to be open to trying new things without fear of judgment or failure.

• Promotes a Healthy Relationship with Food: A child labeled as “picky” may grow to see food as a source of conflict or stress. By avoiding negative labels, we help them see food as something enjoyable and fun to explore. This is crucial for establishing a lifelong healthy relationship with food.

What to Say Instead: Positive Language Tips

Here are some ways to talk about your child’s eating habits in a more positive and supportive manner:

• Use Neutral or Positive Descriptions: Instead of saying, “She’s picky,” try, “She’s still learning about different foods,” or “He’s exploring new tastes.” This acknowledges where your child is without casting judgment.

• Highlight Their Preferences as Normal: If your child doesn’t like a particular food, you can say, “It’s okay not to like everything. Everyone has different tastes,” or “Sometimes, it takes a few tries to enjoy something new.”

• Encourage Curiosity: Instead of focusing on what your child doesn’t eat, encourage a sense of adventure: “I wonder if you might like this vegetable cooked in a different way?” or “Let’s try this together and see what we think.”

Practical Tips for Encouraging a Positive Food Environment

• Model Positive Language and Behavior: Children learn by observing. Model an open attitude toward food by expressing curiosity and enjoyment when trying new foods yourself. Say things like, “I’m excited to try this new recipe,” or “This dish has a really interesting flavor.”

• Lead the Way: Introduce New Vegetables Frequently and Eat Them Together with Your Family: Make trying new vegetables a regular part of your family meals. Serve a variety of vegetables, and make sure you’re eating them too! Children are more likely to try new foods if they see you enjoying them. Make it fun by turning it into a family challenge or adventure—“Let’s all try a new veggie each week!”

• Involve Your Child in Food Choices: Let your child have a say in meal planning or grocery shopping. When they feel involved, they’re more likely to be curious and open to trying new foods. Ask them to pick a new fruit or vegetable to try together.

• Create a Calm Mealtime Environment: Avoid pressuring your child to eat certain foods or making mealtimes a battleground. Keep the conversation light and positive, focusing on enjoying the meal and each other’s company.

The words we use have a lasting impact on our children’s eating habits and their relationship with food. By choosing to describe them as “selective” rather than “picky,” and using positive, encouraging language, we can help them develop a healthy, adventurous attitude toward eating. Remember, mealtime is more than just about nutrition—it’s an opportunity to build confidence, foster curiosity, and create lasting, positive experiences around food.